Our ability to receive and give is greatly influenced by our childhood relationship with our caretakers. The way they treated themselves was a model of giving and receiving. Most of us unconsciously adopted this model for ourselves and continue to live it out in our significant relationships

— Receiving Love by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt

This exercise is to help you build out an image of your primary caretaker as you remember them from childhood with regard to giving and receiving

1. Make a list of positive and negative words that best describe your parents (or primary caretakers).

Mother (or female caretaker)

Positive Traits

Negative Traits

Father (or male caretaker)

Positive Traits

Negative Traits

2. Take the list above and given the list of words below, colour green the items that would apply to your mother and underline the items that would apply to your father. If a word applies to both your mother and father, colour code and underline.

It’s okay to want:

love

sex

play

fun

intelligence

movement

feelings

nurturing

rest

sleep

education

work

success

happiness

health

food

vacations

spirituality

religious beliefs

touch

laughter

support

warmth

praise

knowledge

your own thoughts

sympathy for others

money

property

recreation

freedom

independence

compliments

negative feelings

hope

orgasms

massages

fear

sadness

anger

grief

happiness

joy

peace

equality

pleasure

musical talent

creativity

artist talent

faith

doubt

desires

athletic talent

competition

trust

fatigue

education

respect

tolerance

appreciation

It’s not okay to want:

It’s okay to receive:

It’s not okay to receive:

It’s okay to give:

It’s not okay to give:

3. Take the results from step 2. and complete the following sentences below about your mother and father. These are the “messages” you received from your parents about what you could want, receive, and give.