In the UK, there's a new Tier of restrictions introduced every other week — haha, such fun. But what do they all mean? I've put together this very handy and fully factual list for you.

Did I miss a tier? How embarrassing, please email me to tell me off.

Tier 1: lick your best friends face, it's fine. There will be no consequences, at all (like they won’t even find it weird)

Tier 2: Things are getting bad but at least it's still safe to eat your own children. Do it — they will only make you stronger. Proof: Boris Johnson has a large glut of children to feast on and he's the strongest leader we've ever had.

Tier 3: It doesn't matter what you do, as long as it stimulates the economy. I keep my economy in my crotch — please feel free to come over and stimulate it any time.

Tier free: lmao the this is capitalism, nothing is free x

Tier 4: Christmas is cancelled, eat your tears (and tiers).

Tier Vier: just like tear 4, but Germanic. So when you say it out loud it sounds like TIER FEAR — the tier you should be afraid of

Tier Starmer: The tier in support of workers rights. Quietly, though. Wouldn't want anyone to hear you/catch on/be inspired to stop voting Tory

Tier 5: 🎵 ah ah ah stayin alive, during tier 5